As heard on the street:
Mother: Tomorrow we go swimming. It will be fun. Yay! Child: Is tomorrow *now*?
A boy swallows a whole jar of coins, and is taken to a hospital. When the doctor came out to speak with the parents, he said, "No change yet."
Outside a dog a book is man's best friend. Inside a dog, it's hard to read.
A man needed major surgery. They removed all the organs on the left side of his body.
Now he is all right. :)
Q: Why did the farmer watch his lazy cows?
A: He liked to see the meat loaf.
Q: Why did the farmer feed sugar to his sick pig?
A: He wanted sugar-cured ham.
Q: How did Luke Skywalker know what Darth Vader gave him for Christmas?
A: He felt his presents.
Q: What did Geronimo say when he jumped from the plane?
Q: Why didn't the lifeguard save the hippie?
A: He was too far out, man.
Q: Why did the mechanic sleep under his car?
A: Because he wanted to wake up oily in the morning.